Baby!!!

We are so close to 5 months!!! It's super exciting. Every day I wake up and I'm pregnant I am so surprised! I keep thinking this is going to slip through my fingers. I am really working on being more connected and positive about my baby! I have an appointment tomorrow, really looking forward to hearing the heartbeat!

Best news ever, Zach will be home for Christmas! Which also means he will be home for our anatomy scan :) we don't have it scheduled yet, but will soon! We can't wait! It's going to be a great Christmas for us!!!

Bump!

Elliott Reid

We found out, a week ago, that we are having a son! 

This ultrasound was so awesome for so many reasons. Zach got to be there! He got home the day before! And Elliott is perfectly healthy. It was the best Christmas ever for us! 

5 month bump!

He is so cute! 

He signed "I love you" 

Little tiny foot! 

We are so excited! We didn't tell a single person when our ultrasound was, we wanted to soak in the news ourselves and take our time announcing. We went to the ultrasound and asked the tech to tell us when to look away, and to write the sex on a piece of paper. We really wanted to find out by ourselves. Let me tell you, the 30 minute drive home with that piece of paper in an envelope took forever!

As soon as we walked in the door we opened the envelope. Zach's guess was boy. Mine was girl. I knew it was a boy as soon as we saw the ultrasound, but Iwasn't  100% convinced because I didn't want to be wrong. As soon as we opened the envelope we went crazy! Zach was yelling and excited and I was crying :)

We couldn't hold it in, we called all of our immediate family right away and a few very close friends. It was awesome to surprise all of them! Zach's mom and my mom both had guessed boy so they were excited to be right. 

On Christmas Day we had some gifts under the tree to "Elliott" it was the coolest thing ever! To see our sons name on presents from his family. So emotional. Opening them was so fun and so emotional. They were all really cute things for his bedroom. Some cute frames. My mom made a little sign to hang on the wall that said "first we had each other, then we had you, now we have everything" a little hanging square that says "twinkle twinkle little star do you know how loved you are?" My sister got us a onesie that says "little ass kicker" yes walking dead! 

And this was my favorite. This sign sums up all of the feelings surrounding this little rainbow. 

Just about 4 months to go until we get to meet him! I can't wait!

As soon as my BFF, Sarah found out it was a boy she gave us all the clothes she's had for her twin boys the last 9 months! We are pretty set on clothes now ;) 

In other news I'm feeling pretty good. I had a minor complication unrelated to the pregnancy that required out patient surgery, and now I'm on the mend. Just trying to rest up before going back to work "next year" lol. 

It is the best thing ever to have Zach home. The level of stress that lifted off of me when he got here is immeasurable. When I am too tired, he is able to pick up the slack. He is an amazing husband! It's getting harder to bend over and do things like put on shoes, pick things up, and he is right there to help me. I love him so much and I'm so grateful to call him mine. <3 he is going to be one amazing daddy! I can't wait to see him meet his son! 

We have an appointment tomorrow with our midwife, and it will be Zach's first time meeting her. He left when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I am a little nervous, I hope he loves her as much as I do! She's really looking forward to meeting him and vice versa! 

Happy thanksgiving!

I hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving holiday. 

Zach wasn't here but my parents, older sister, one of my older brothers, and my 6 year old neices came to my house and we had a lovely time! I made my regular Michigander turkey and it was as good as always. 

My mom and neices stayed wed-fri and we decorated for Christmas. I am still hoping Zach will make it home for Christmas! 

My belly has grown! I don't have much to update regarding this baby :) I will share some belly pics and some clothes I got on Black Friday!

My diaper stash is pretty complete, just waiting on one more shipment of diapers. My next big purchase is a woven wrap! The one I want it called snow diamond and is made by girasol. It is so beautiful!!! It's a rainbow wrap and I'm totally excited to wrap my rainbow baby in a rainbow wrap! (Image taken from google image search) 

We are so close to half way it's so exciting!!

1 week ago 

Today 

Baby clothes! 

Loving life

I'm into month 4-5 of this pregnancy! Other than being extremely tired all the time I am feeling great. I am so tired, but can't fall asleep at night ha! It's a really fun cycle. I look forward to weekends when I can sleep in to catch up on sleep. 

We found out this week that Zach won't be home until well into January :( this is so disappointing for two reasons. One he is missing christmas and two we might not be able to delay the anatomy scan until he gets home. I will be talking to my midwife about our options at our next appointment in 2 weeks. 

After we lost our two babies last year I got this remembrance necklace to commemorate them. It is so special to me. I haven't taken it off since we found out we were pregnant with this baby. The charm is the mamas arms and the teardrop is her little baby. It's my way of keeping my babies with me. 

I've also been brewing my own "pregnancy" teas. Every day at lunch I put them together and drink them every night at dinner these teas provide a multitude of nutrients to the baby, me, and the placenta. A lot of what I've read is that they can help your blood to clot and avoid hemorage during and after birth. All the herbs were recommended by my midwife as safe during pregnancy. 

From left to right: red raspberry leaf, oatstraw, lemon balm, rosehips, and nettle leaf. I also add some raw honey to add some sweetness. 

For my recipe I boil about 20oz of water and add it to a mason jar and seal it for 4 hours. In the mason jar is 1 tablespoon of honey, 2 tablespoons of nettle lea, 2 tablespoons of oatstraw, 2 table spoons of lemon balm, 1 teaspoon of rosehips, and I'm at about 1 teaspoon of red raspberry leaf. In large quantities red raspberry leaf can cause contractions because it tones the uterus. I started adding this herb in my second trimester and only a tiny tiny bit, I've slowly been increasing the amount I put in each time I brew to build a tolerance. 

I do notice when I don't drink my teas I have less energy and my mood isn't as stable. I try to make it everyday day but I usually drink it 4-6 times a week. 

And finally a bump picture from this week! the muscles around my belly are getting sore, which I'm not complaining about! It's just a sensation I've never had before. I also am having a hard time bending over to pick stuff up, so I've started doing a squat/bend routine to avoid the uncomfortable feeling when my uterus gets squished!

Signs

I'm more pregnant than I've ever been! I never thought I would reach 4 months! But here we are :) it's very exciting to be getting closer and closer to actually holding our baby this spring!

Zach and I have names picked out for a boy and for a girl. We aren't sharing the names, yet! We have known our boy name for a while. And it hasn't changed. But our girl name has! We had a different name picked out but I didn't LOVE it. So we started thinking about other names. Zach suggested a name that I like but wasn't sold on. We were mulling this name over, rather I was. We knew we were trying to get pregnant and we were hopeful we were (we were!).

We went to a local farm to get ice cream and this dog kept coming over to us to say hello and get bites of treats and pets. I finally looked at the dogs collar after pondering what the dogs name was... And it was the name we had picked! About two weeks later, after we had found out we were indeed pregnant, we went to a sporting event. One of the most celebrated players last name was the name we had picked out! There have been numerous signs about this baby being a girl. Almost everyone has said it is, and people subconsciously say "she" and "her". Today I saw a print for a baby item that had the name! It just popped up in my newsfeed out of the blue. So many signs! :) girl or boy we will be happy :) 

Most recent bump pics!

Appointment update!

Today I had an appointment with my midwife. 

We opted to do genetic screening and I had my "prenatal" screens (a little late lol). I hadn't had my prenatal screens done since my first pregnancy so we just checked on them this time around. 

Everything came back great! This baby is low risk for any genetic abnormalities. Also my screens were wonderful! My vit B is a little low so I need to supplement for that, not uncommon for the PNW. 

And I got to hear the baby's heartbeat! Which is always very reassuring. When Zach and I found out the bad news about our first baby the nurse at the urgent care center spent almost an hour trying to find the heartbeat via Doppler. It was really traumatizing to me. Now when I wait for the MW to pick up the heartbeat with Doppler I feel anxious awaiting the sound of the heartbeat. It's always very relieving to hear it. 

It's so strange how my losses have shaped my experiences with this pregnancy. Previously I was against all ultrasounds and the use of the Doppler. Even though I still don't love the idea of the use of these, I'm comfortable with the decisions I've made so far regarding these technologies. I feel the risk of those is outweighed by the reduced stress and anxiety it bring me. 

As we get further along I'm feeling more comfortable and able to relax and let go and enjoy. I'm enjoying my firsts with my prenatal care and I am really in capable caring hands. This is wonderful especially with Zach being gone. 

I'm so in love with our little rainbow! :) 

Baby items!

I meant to share the awesome "stuff" I've gotten for this baby! 

Ergo (Buddy was used for practice and loved it!)

A very special ringsling given to me by a group of women I have known online for years! It is called ascend and is to memorialize all the babies we never got to hold <3 very special place in my heart. Mason enjoying the ride :) 

Two fuzzybunz diapers :) 

A lot of cute cute cute items from my dear friend Gretchen! I just love the clothes she picked out, she knows me so well :) 

A book and a teether I picked up at a baby store after our ultrasound at 10 weeks :) 

And here is the baby! This was our ultrasound at 10 weeks :) 

Also, October 15th is miscarriage and infant loss Remembrance Day. I went to a little event for this and sent a lantern off to the skies for our two little loves we lost before this pregnancy. Here are some pictures :) 

Tired

I am so very tired! And coming down with a yucky cold :( I do not know how single moms do it. 7 weeks and counting down until Zach gets home! 

In the meantime, we are almost 4 months into this pregnancy! I have an appointment with my (FABULOUS) midwife on Thursday and I am really looking forward to hearing the heartbeat. I've taken to writing lists on my phone of things I want to talk with her about, which is needed because I can't remember ANYTHiNG! 

Pictures :) 

From week 8ish

This week! (Almost 4 months)

My belly is getting rounder and starting to look like an actual bump! 

Things I am looking forward to: feeling the baby move! Zach coming home and then finding out the sex!

Feeling: lonely, tired, but happy :)

3 and a half months!

I am finally starting to be able to eat meat again! I'm really trying to eat healthy, that can still be a bit challenging. This baby is so loved! Zach has been on deployment since 6 weeks and will be gone until probably right around 5 months. We are waiting until he gets home to do our anatomy scan until he is back! We already have two names decided depending on boy or girl. But we aren't sharing! ;) 

I'm still SO exhausted all the time. But I am beginning to get my motivation back which is helpful for school work!

Here is a belly picture from this week :) baby is starting to pop out! I love you baby!!!

Second trimester

Our baby is due in May! We have decided not to share the actual date because babies pick their own birthdays! Knowing the specific date doesn't tell us anything about when this child will decide to make an appearance :) 

It has been very difficult to get excited about this baby. We lost our first at 3 months, so every second to that date in my first pregnancy has been cherished with our breath held. 

I am finally able to breathe! And celebrate! So to update!

We found out we were pregnant around August 24th 2014. We were at a concert at the Gorge in Washington. Zach was set to leave on deployment in about a week (after only being home for 30 days!) and I was super anxious about catching this cycle. 

I wouldn't allow myself to feel the symptoms until we got a positive. I remember that Zach wanted to look at the stick before me. We were camping. I went to the porta potty and then put the stick in the car. It was close quarters. He looked in the car. Came out and I could not read his expression! I know he didn't want to say anything because there were so many people around so he told me to go look. I was convinced it was negative! But the second line was there! I was so happy.

Because of our history we needed to get my progesterone checked stat. Unfortunately I was not in the hands of the most capable providers so this was a huge hurdle. We did discover that low progesterone was an issue and started supplementing. Due to concerns about viability I had my first ever ultrasound at 6 weeks. I was convinced there would be no baby to see. I was so happy to see a nice strong heartbeat (95) and a baby measuring perfectly on time! 

My care was still less than spectacular so I was trying to switch providers. I was finally able to be seen by an OB around week 10, this was only a pit stop. My anxiety was through the roof due to my previous care provider repeatedly telling me this pregnancy was not viable and being very inconsiderate to me. I had chosen a midwife locally who I LOVE but wanted to make sure everything was ok with the baby. So, I had another ultrasound at 10 weeks.

Baby looked amazing! The OB assured me that everything looked fine and we shouldn't feel worried about losing this little bean. We got the go ahead and referral to my dream midwife!

So in my first trimester I dealt with a lot of nausea. I never actually got very sick but was unable to eat because I felt so sick all the time. I lost almost 15 pounds. I was pretty tired but mostly so sensitive to smells. I had a million migraines with no relief. I am so thankful to be in my second trimester and to be not only feeling better but "out of the danger zone".

I am eating everything in sight and am so tired I feel like I could sleep for weeks! 

My first appointment with my midwife was just wonderful. She is so caring and sweet. I've always dreamt of using her as my midwife but she didn't accept my insurance until this year. Perfect timing! 

I see my midwife again in just about a week. I am looking forward to hearing my baby's heartbeat. I always felt very strongly about the use of Doppler. But my losses have caused me so much anxiety that I am willing to give on this in order to give myself peace of mind. 

Besides dealing with the grief of our other two losses, nothing prepares you for the joy miscarriage sucks out of any subsequent pregnancies. Every day it's a new concern. I feel a little crampy=instant anxiety attack. My symptoms go away for a few days=panic attack. I am really working on letting go and trying to enjoy. It has gotten better over the last few weeks. 

Here are some pictures :) 

Our official Facebook announcement 

Belly picture around 3-4months :) 

Cloth diapers!